"The need to be normal is the predominant anxiety disorder in modern life...
"I imagine the soul as a deep underground pool. Every day it floats up desires, ideas, and daydreams that offer new possibilities. If dreams are any indication of the material to be found in the pool, the stuff of life far transcends our notions of what is appropriate, fits our plans, or conforms to the ordered life we wish to live...
"Who, then, is insane: the person who sacrifices deep desire for the sake of propriety and respectability or the one who risks disapproval in the name of vitality? Is anxiety around being normal simply the impetus needed to be well adjusted or is it truly a disorder, a disturbance of soul that limits the possibilities of life and is ultimately a form of repression?...
"We must be careful not to sentimentalize abnormality. Psychological disorder is usually painful and debilitating. Let us not glorify antisocial behavior. Civility allows us to survive and to thrive. The problem is not the wish to be normal, but rather the literalization of that idea. We need to adjust to the world around us, just as we need to live our eccentric selves. The wish to be normal conceals a deeper desire: negatively, an attempt to avoid the weight of our individuality, and positively, the ideal of being fully ourselves in a community where we can belong and participate.
"Not only in ideas but also in action we might embrace the outrageous in our normal personal lives..."
Thoughts?
Anonymous: This is a complex subject for me. For a big portion of my childhood and adolescence, I was being raised by people who absolutely "glorified antisocial behavior" and made a big old point of going against the grain. It didn't work out well for anyone involved -- as in suicide, trauma, and irreparably damaged relationships. And yet...
I found refuge from the sociopaths in a community of people (avant garde theater folk) who were also busily pushing at the boundaries of what's considered normal and acceptable. The difference was in the way that they worked that edge. Certain rules should be challenged, and others are broken at everyone's peril, and these folks were better than my own family at knowing the difference.
My life today feels like a great mix of healthy rule-following, joyous participation in traditions that make me happy, and brave refusal to let my own eccentricities and "difference" be silenced by others (or my own internal censor). It takes care (Thomas Moore's favorite word) and attention.
Anonymous: Minutes before I read this mirrorball email I had sent the following off to a friend:
"I realized that I was slowly being cleansed of my identity over the past 8 years. I was losing my edge. Its so hard to describe. And who knows why? But I felt as though I was selling off pieces of myself - for cheap. That was my fault probably. Or maybe it was just less painful not to carry around the things that were going unused and under appreciated. Now I am gathering those parts again and remembering who I am."
I was referring to how I was feeling as a college professor of music. Not at some stuffy old school but at a cutting edge school for contemporary music. I have been feeling more and more that individuality, funkiness, humor, admittance of imperfection, are becoming less tolerated or less understood by the current college crowd. Even in the arts! Many are afraid or unsure how to express themselves in this pre-packaged world of American Idol. Young musicians are being taught, in some way, to be more corporate because everything now is about the Business and not the music. Listening to the radio is proof of that.
What happened to our culture of rebellious artists? I know they still exist out there. But so much is being reigned in. And I feel it heavily. But lately I've been reminding myself of my experience, my humanity and my desire to live with expression and meaning (or lack thereof when I want). And slowly, I rise. I have never felt "normal" although I'm sure I am in many ways. But I don't want to begin to aspire to normal. It doesn't serve anyone. It especially doesn't serve my very normal students. It takes a lot of energy to go against the grain, even just a little. And this is why, I suppose, people form alliances with one another and join groups of "similar" people. I guess I choose to have to cut painfully against the grain sometimes. So be it. As some might say, "whateverrrrrrrrrrrrr".
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